His words jolted me awake even more than the scent of the freshly brewed coffee that stood on the counter nearby. Naturally, I asked him why (Naïve cradle Catholic that I am, I'm unfamiliar with many of the perspectives that Protestants have). He remarked that when I first began frequenting the coffee shop, I had long hair. Together, with the long, flowy skirts that I often wear, I apparently projected the image of someone who is Pentecostal Holiness. Amused, I put this short exchange on social media, and within minutes, several of my friends commented that they, in their skirts and dresses, had also been confused for members of non-Catholic religious groups. Should I wear jeans so that people know I'm Catholic? I jokingly mused.
This one small remark from the Man at the Coffee Shop reminded me of something that we often try to push away, brush under a rug, and ignore: What we wear matters.
What's on the inside is what counts; and Jesus only cares about your heart, some people remark. It doesn't matter what you wear (even to Mass).
We shouldn't treat men like uncontrollable creatures, someone inevitably pipes in. So it doesn't matter if what we wear is "modest," because they need to learn not to treat us like objects.
I don't want to sit here and stir up arguments about Mass attire or modesty. Instead, I just want to point out that we commonly adhere to the idea that "What we wear doesn't matter." Yet, this idea, this proclamation that "What we wear matters" makes a lot of sense. We are both soul and body; we notice each others' physical bodies and appearance.
We speak through our bodies, and we speak through what we wear.
Recently, I took a quick trip to the grocery store. It was a spur of the moment decision, so I could pick up a few items. I had just taken a short run, and I didn't feel like getting changed into different clothes. Many other people at the grocery store wear basketball shorts and t-shirts, so I would blend right in!
I was shocked by how self-conscious I felt the entire time I was scurrying through the store. I typically wear skirts and dresses everywhere, and I can forget how this clothing choice affects my attitude. There in the store, I felt sloppy, under-dressed, and frazzled. I just felt different.
For better or for worse, what we wear matters. It speaks volumes. So, if what we wear truly matters, perhaps we need to honestly ask ourselves what our clothes are saying about us.
Thought-provoking, for sure! This is one that I'll have to chew on. What we see is the first impression; however, we must learn to look under the surface, because the outer surface can be deceiving. For example, someone could be dressed casually for morning Mass because they just unexpectedly spent the night in the ER with a loved one. However, they could have a very deep relationship with God. We automatically make different assumptions based on how people are dressed, are just as the man did at the coffee shop.
ReplyDeleteLianna, thank you for bringing that point up! It definitely is so important to look deeper and not walk around making assumptions about other people regarding how they are dressed.
DeleteI was actually thinking of this recently, when we attended Mass and somehow, didn't have dress clothes with us for our oldest. I usually like to dress him nicely for Mass, but on that occasion, he was wearing ratty shorts and a t-shirt. Obviously, God would rather have him at Mass underdressed than not be at Mass. But seeing my son's confusion at being in this sacred and consecrated place while very casually dressed is really challenging me to make the extra effort to have a pair of nice pants in the car for spur-of-the-moment Masses.
While it is true that we shouldn't "judge" or "make an assumption" on a person because of how they are dressed on a particular occasion, the other side of the coin is - what kind of an impression or assumption do WE want others to have of us, and present ourselves accordingly. Human nature being what it is we are prone to assume first and think later. Am I presenting myself as someone who is going to experience the most profound event this side of heaven, receiving my Lord in the Eucharist?
ReplyDeleteThanks for sharing that perspective, Bonnie! What you mention reminds me of how we always instruct people going in for job interviews to "dress to impress" and look nice, to help portray an image of respectability, responsibility, and dignity.
DeleteIt's really interesting to me that the man in the coffee shop assumed you were Pentecostal. Honestly, I'm not really familiar with that denomination, so I can't say I would assume someone was part of it based on how he or she dressed. I know lots of women who have long hair and wear dresses. They come from all sorts of faith backgrounds. I know lots of women who wear jeans. They come from all sorts of faith backgrounds.
ReplyDeleteThis is a great reminder to "not judge a book by its cover." Whether it is a person at Wal-Mart or a person at church, you never know who she is or why she is dressed in the way she is. It might be personal preference, limited selection because of a broken washer, not feeling well, etc.
I thought his observation was interesting, too! We seem to have a significant amount of people here who attend an Assembly of God church (this man being one of them), so perhaps that is why he reached his conclusion. Like you, I know many women who dress in all matters of styles and come from various faith backgrounds. I agree, it is a good reminder to look deeper! There have been many times in my life when I've been rather humbled to find out that my initial judgement of someone based on his or her appearance did not come close to what he or she was actually like.
DeleteHow interesting! I'm not familiar with that denomination. It's really interesting to hear the assumptions people make based on how we present ourselves, for better or worse. I think about this personally. I don't dress for other people, but am conscious that how I dress affects what people think of me. And mostly it means skirts/dresses because they're most comfortable to me (and I think cuter on me), and sweats round the house. I so get what you mean about feeling self conscious too. I almost went to the grocery store in comfy shorts that other day when it was super hot, but changed real quick before heading out the door because I realized it felt indecent to me! Such an interesting discussion. I'd be so curious to hear what people have thought about me...
ReplyDeleteI totally laughed at the coffee shop comment and I get it...I attended a Pentecostal church at one point in my growing up years, and know a good deal about the 'fashion culture' such as it exists and the very common stereotypes.
ReplyDeleteLiving where we do, in particular, I do agree that the way we dress matters. I think in America the culture is in general less judgmental--I remember wearing a tank and shorts on a family picnic with Angel's family in Texas and feeling very comfortable and appropriate--my (Catholic) MIL was wearing similar attire and so was my SIL and Angel's other relatives. But I would never be comfortable dressing like that at a public park here because the culture is different, and I don't want to be someone who is insensitive to my surroundings, and do know how the surrounding culture thinks about the way we dress and the sort of witness I want to be. Currently living in leggings and long tunics though and pretty much never feeling totally great about the way I dress...but I think that's fairly expected by mid-third-trimester...