Let's Prioritize our Priorities

People will talk about the elaborate foods that they are making for or with their kids. 

I'll see an article with lists of seasonally-appropriate crafts or activities for families to do. 

I'll hear about all of the elaborate homeschooling plans that various moms in my area are crafting...and the mental battle begins. 

Why am I not doing these things too? I'll bemoan my lack of put-together-ness, my disorganization, and my low threshold for becoming overwhelmed with life. But then, I remember:

My priorities are not the same as those of my friends, neighbors, or random bloggers online. 

We expend time, money and effort on the things that are important to us--or do we? I've come to realize that I may know we all have different priorities, but I fail to act like it. All of the times when I compare myself to others and plunge into guilt for not being "that mom" are moments when I forget that all these wonderful things are good, but they aren't my priorities.

It's easy to see something beautiful, exciting, and worthwhile that someone else is doing and believe that we need to be doing that thing too. When we operate under this belief, we can may find ourselves forcing our lives to look like another person's without first questioning if we really want this. 

For example, I know some women who are incredible cooks. They have made inventive, elaborate meals and pastries. I love eating the food they make, and it's always fun to see what they come up with. These women seem to enjoy preparing exciting foods, and they prioritize that--they carve out time and money to buy special ingredients and prepare new recipes. I've realized that as much as I love the idea of creating (and eating) elaborate foods and pastries, going through the work (and mess) is not something that I have a huge desire for at the moment. I would rather be doing other things. So, I've been giving myself permission to let go of the feeling that I "should" make exciting foods, and instead stick with super-simple dishes so I can carve out space for the activities that matter most to me (like the weaving class that I am currently taking). 

Photo taken after I "sleyed the reed." Weaving terminology is great ;)

Lately, when that mental struggle of comparison flares up, I ask myself: Is this a priority for me? 

If I can answer "yes" to this question, I try to find ways to make a place for this important thing in my life. If my response to this question is "no," I push myself to ask if this should be a priority for me, and if the answer is still "no," then I dismiss it. I let myself focus on my actual priorities. 

What do I hold dear? What plays an important part in my life? What do I need to spend money on and make time for? These are my priorities, and I need to know what they are. After all, how can I recognize that other people's priorities are different than mine if I don't know what my priorities are? 

Something that helps me determine my priorities is a Rule of Life: a basic framework for how I want to live. Widely associated with monastic communities (like the Rule developed in the sixth century by St. Benedict of Nursia), a Rule of Life is more than a set of guidelines for monks or nuns. It can transform the way that us lay people live. It helps us intentionally chart our days according to the values that we hold dear. 

My husband and I have crafted a Rule of Life for our family, and we regularly reevaluate it to determine what, if anything, needs to change. If something isn't working, we can discuss new ways to approach it, or consider removing that aspect of our Rule and replacing it with something else that is more fitting for our marriage and family at the moment. 

Daily life is full of choices, and as much as I dislike saying "no" to things, I've learned that I have limits to my time and energy. Whenever I try to "do it all," I very quickly burnout and grow overwhelmed. Knowing my priorities helps me confidently say "yes" and "no" to different things without getting bogged down in guilt ("mom guilt" still comes here and there, but not nearly as often). 

So, let's carve out some time for silent reflection as we each address our values and dreams. Are we truly making space for the things we care about? Let's bravely prioritize those priorities in our lives, and see what God has in store for us.